But I can’t. I cry and I grieve and I call and message all of my friends in France and the rest of Europe, and I want to say angry things, I want to yell, I want to demand justice, but then I would be fuelling the fire. Their fire. I would be taking their hate and making it my own. I would be doing an injustice to all of the beautiful and innocent lives lost. I will keep going, and I will keep loving, and no matter how many times this happens, I won’t ever yell “fuck you, I hate you”, and more importantly, I will refuse to hate them. Right now I am tired and defeated and I feel small, I feel scared, but I won’t let them win. I refuse to let them make me hate. Instead I will say, “you do not have the right to tell me what to feel. You do not have the right to take away any of my love. I will not let you win.”
Today is a terrible day, and I will grieve like so many others. I am struggling and I will keep struggling to recover. But I will, and I won’t let this change my heart. I will pick my heaped self up off the floor, and I will love more fiercely than before they tried to make me hate.